Being Alone vs. Being Lonely

“I am single; but am I alone or am I lonely ?”  Do I feel happy when I am alone or do I feel sad and lonely ? Questions that are very difficult to answer but I felt like writing down my thoughts on this topic.

The words “alone” and “lonely” have different meanings. A person is alone when he is by himself. A person is lonely when he feels sad or abandoned due to isolation. A person who is alone can be happy by himself but the lonely person will always be sad. A person who is alone is not necessarily lonely; but a lonely person always feels alone even in a crowd.

Our society unfortunately tends to put someone who is leading a single life into one definition : loneliness.  The one who does not have a special person in his/her life is slotted and typecast as experiencing pangs of loneliness and looked upon with sympathy.

Loneliness gives rise to a dull, constant feeling that follows you around always and an ache that arises in your heart; a feeling that is impossible to shake off, no matter what you’re doing. Typically, this feeling comes after recently losing the person who you were in love with and the memories associated with it.

Being alone is doing things by yourself and for yourself. Being alone is sitting under a tree in the afternoon reading a book, and being perfectly happy and enjoying every single minute of it.

Of course, there are those times when being alone and being lonely do overlap. It’s the time when you’re shopping alone and you notice a couple laughing and shopping together It’s the time when you are strolling by the seaside alone, and you watch couples exhibiting their PDA openly; hugging, kissing and necking in the throes of passion. For a brief moment, that dull ache comes into your heart.

I have some advice for the ones who experience loneliness while being alone. Being alone is an art; learn to enjoy it, embrace it, cherish it.  Once you learn to enjoy being alone, you’re going to like it unless you are the type who longs for the company of others all the time. There are several amazing things that will happen in your life when you start to enjoy being alone, a few of which are :

·       You begin to recognize the power and effectiveness of your independence. You learn to trust your instincts and make decisions without anyone’s validation.

·       Time spent alone can be most productive, as there are few or no distractions which gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly.

·       It lets you recharge and take a break from the emotionally and mentally taxing task of continuous interaction.

·       You can treat yourself to things that makes you happy, as the only person whose happiness matters is you.

Just capitalize on the benefits of solitude by filling your time alone with activities that make you smile. Just put that phone away, scrolling on Facebook and messaging on Whatsapp is not going to take you anywhere, it means you are back to interacting with people and back to stress instead of enjoying your alone time. Spend your alone time engaging in an action that brings you joy — for example, walking in nature, strolling on the beach, listening to your favourite music, cooking something you like, or reading a book, just anything you enjoy doing - that can improve your mood and reduce stress.

To summarise, being alone can be the most enriching experience of your life. You can always find company in yourself, whereas loneliness is going to try to force you to find that company in another person which is not good. It is better to enjoy life alone than feeling lonely after losing someone whom you cherished and idolized; one who did not share your passion and feelings. It is better to be alone than to experience loneliness even in the company of someone who does not love you. Always remember that happiness starts with you !